When it comes to performing music, the big question on every band’s plate is: How can my band break out? What is the barrier that keeps some bands stuck in gig-hell, while other bands thrive on the festival circuit?
I’ve come to tell you that there is a sure fire gateway to garnering attention. In fact it can be remarkably easy!
Malcolm Gladwell’s excellent book The Tipping Point discusses the processes that occur when ideas become viral. And Seth Godin’s Purple Cow concludes that in today’s world there is only one path to success: to be remarkable. In terms of going viral there are two roads to take, and it’s important to distinguish the two and realize which path is right for you. Do you want good attention or bad attention? I think as an up and coming band it’s perfectly fine to have the latter if the intent is to end up with the former. In terms of your act, it’s important to be remarkable in anyway possible. Since, musical skill and talent takes time you might want to focus solely on being remarkably offensive, whether in form (“they are the WORST BAND I’ve EVER SEEN”) or by crafting your song content accordingly.
Enter “Stem Cellphones” the 8th track from the superbly rocking Boneslinky!. The story of this song starts a few years back when Cap’n Mediocrity and I made a music video for “Diary of an Unborn Child,” one of the strangest pro-life jams ever created, performed by “Bobby’s World”-biting weirdo Lil’ Marky.
The video features an unmasked Mediocrity drifting around as a grown-up aborted fetus. Much to our surprise the video became a bit of a hit on YouTube, garnering over 40,000 views and recieving comments like:
“do you think this is fucking FUNNY?! ASSHOLE!” (yes)
and
“piece of ass raping shit” (huh?)
but also comments like:
“I just laughed so hard. You win the internet.” (well…yeah)
It took a while for the good comments to actually show up. For a while it was just comment after comment of pro-lifers arguing with each other.
And thus my lesson was learned: If you create something that is flagrantly anti-pro-life (note: anti-pro-life is not the same as pro-choice), fanatics are going to immediately jump all over you. It’s just their nature, they can’t help it. And they’re really just standing by waiting for the opportunity to turn your comments board into an endless political debate. So I decided to write my own song surrounding this turbulent issue in hopes to once again incite some lunatics. Who knows, maybe some of them will download the album in order to burn it to a CD and subsequently toss the burned CD into a raging fire!
“Stem Cellphones” is the story of a slacker whose far-along baby-mama falls into a coma. Instead of saving the baby, he opps to harvest the precious rejuvenating stem cells in order to restore parts of his own body that have degenerated after years of alcohol abuse. The song ends with him realizing that his theories don’t really stand up to how science works.
No I don’t really agree with eating your unborn children in order to restore your own failing body, but you have to admit it’s a fascinating concept. One that should probably get pitched to Hollywood and directed by that Human Centipede dude. Now there’s some fucked up shit right there. If you’re pissed off about this song, you should probably just go bother that guy, ’cause people existing only as a bridge between one person’s ass and anothers mouth is a far more disturbing idea than anything the Flute Squad can come up with. At least our songs have happy endings and boobies.
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If you enjoyed this post, check out:
MISADVENTURES IN SONGWRITING: TV’s Corky Is Our ‘The Beatles’ : The story behind a song that honors retarded people for their courageous sense of style.
MISADVENTURES IN SONGWRITING: Nobody Cares About Your Love-Life, Watch Cartoons For Inspiration Instead: How our fearless frontman, Horsepower, writes songs about beating the shit out of people over cartoons and a tasty breakfast.